Familiar
by Space Dimentio
Summary: After being sent to his room, Steven has a dream. (Contains spoilers for Season 5 up to the episode "Legs from Here to Homeworld." Speculation for "Familiar", the next episode.)


Steven stared out at Homeworld, afraid and exhausted. White Diamond's massive ship dominated the horizon.

He didn't know what to do. He'd been separated from his family and the other diamonds. He could leave to go find them, but… He needed White Diamond's help, so shouldn't he do what she wanted for now? And…he was terrified of what she might do to him if he made her angry.

He winced as his stomach growled loudly at him; the hunger pangs were getting worse. He had no idea how much time had passed, but he was starving.

Where was he going to find food? Would Blue or Yellow understand that he needed to eat? If they realized he was half-organic, that he wasn't his mom after all, what would stop them from ripping out his gem trying to get her back? They hadn't understood or respected Pink Diamond's wishes before, so why would they listen to him?

Steven shook his head, hopping down from the wall in front of the window. The same oppressive thoughts had been going around and around in his brain for hours. He laid down and struggled to get comfortable on the floor.

This was Mom's room. He knew, because even the bubbles floating above him felt familiar. He wondered how often she had been locked up in here; maybe a lot, if she was as much a troublemaker as she had seemed to be.

The room seemed small to him; how much smaller must it have felt to mom? It was suffocating in here.

All the usual, confusing questions regarding her drifted through his mind. Eventually, he closed his eyes and slept.

* * *

He was startled awake by the shaking of the ground. Thunderous footsteps drew closer, accompanied by a voice he recognized as Yellow Diamond's. His heart skipped a beat; was she coming to see him? He hoped not, because she sounded _very_ angry.

"What have I told you about speaking to the peridots?" she said sternly.

"I was just trying to help!" a second voice plaintively yelled back. Wait…that voice sounded familiar too, though it was hard to be sure because it was muffled.

"You can _help_ by staying out of their way!"

The door to his room suddenly opened. Yellow Diamond was scowling heavily, but not at him. Being held by the arm was…Mom?!

"Because of you, production has been set back by an entire cycle!"

Pink Diamond was roughly forced into the room. "W-Wait! How long are you going to leave me in here?" she spoke up desperately, tears budding in her eyes.

"Until you've learned your lesson!" Yellow growled, the door slamming shut as she left.

Steven kept still, frightened and bewildered. He must be dreaming another memory.

He flinched when Pink Diamond punched the door with a frustrated yell. After a moment of heavy breathing, she sank down, sitting and folding her knees to her chest. She glared at the wall across from her, furiously wiping away her tears as they fell.

"I don't understand what I'm doing wrong…" she whispered to herself. "I just wanted to try something new; I wouldn't have messed up if Yellow hadn't interrupted me! …Are they ever going to let me do _anything_?"

She tucked her head into her arms, burying her face. She began to sob; Steven went and sat next to her, unable to do anything else. This didn't seem like the first time she'd been sent to her room.

Did Blue and Yellow always treat her like that? No wonder she believed they didn't care about her. Except he thought, no, had _felt_ that they cared more than they knew how to express.

Nothing happened for a time, and he almost drifted back into a deeper sleep.

" _I guess I'll have to face…_ "

He opened his eyes again; his mother was singing softly.

" _That in this awful place…  
I shouldn't show a trace of doubt…_"

She stood, slowly pacing around the room. The flow of her tears gradually dried up.

" _But pulled against the grain…  
I feel a little pain…  
That I would rather do without…"_

She stepped over to the window, leaning against the wall with a sigh. Steven joined her, sitting and resting his back against it.

" _I'd rather be,  
Free-ee-e…  
Free-ee-e…  
Free…"_

Sympathetic tears stung at Steven's eyes as he sang along. The longing in her voice left him feeling small and empty.

" _I'd rather be,  
Free-ee-e…  
Free-ee-e…  
Free…"_

He looked up at his mother. Her eyes were focused on the expansive sprawl of Homeworld; they glimmered with bitter loneliness. His voice quieted to a soft hum.

" _Free-ee-e…  
Free-ee-e…  
Free…  
From here…"_

Pink Diamond fell silent. For a while, there were only the distant sounds of Homeworld.

She turned her head and looked in his direction. He met her gaze, feeling a light chill at the unnatural shape of her pupils.

"Hello Steven…" she said softly.

Steven gasped, gaping. "M-Mom?"

She smiled a tired but slightly amused smile. "I'm sorry this is happening to you. You should have never had to deal with so many of my mistakes…"

He felt a spark of anger and swallowed it. "…You couldn't have known, could you?"

Pink Diamond shook her head before turning her gaze outwards again. "No…"

"Is this… Is this what I'm for? Is this why you made me, because you wanted to run away?"

His mother paused before sorrowfully kneeling down before him. "Steven, you exist to be yourself. I tried, but I could never change or grow as much as I needed to. Even now, I'm still hurting people." She rested a warm hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. "You're already so much better than me…"

He put his hand on top of hers, intertwined; her long, limber fingers dwarfed his small, pudgy ones. "What am I going to do, Mom?" he asked, voice choked with tears. "What are they going to do to me? Wh-What if they take out my gem?" He clutched at the gem in his stomach, bunching up his shirt in his fist. "They only want _you._ "

She gently wiped away his tears with her thumb, cupping his cheek. "I don't know, Steven. Blue and Yellow made me feel like they didn't love me, but now we know better, don't we? Don't let them make the same mistake with you."

He pressed against her palm, desperately needing the contact. "What about…"

"White?" She almost looked as frightened as he felt. "Please be careful. Never forget that everyone believes in you."

 _Pink?_

Sensing his desire, she helped him climb onto her lap, embracing him and holding him close. "As do I…"

"M-Mom…" He sobbed as she tenderly stroked his hair.

 _Pink- er- Steven_

Pink Diamond bent, kissing the top of her son's head.

"I love you, Steven."

* * *

"Wake up, please."

His eyes snapped open at the sound of the quiet voice. He yelped, seeing the enormous visage of Blue Diamond hovering over him.

She also startled, a hand going to her face. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Steven tried to look behind her; she seemed to be alone. He couldn't hide his disappointment. "What's going on? Are my friends ok?"

"They're fine." She looked uneasy. "Yellow is talking to White right now…"

"Oh. Is she…gonna be alright?"

The worried glance Blue sent down the hallway said a lot. He fidgeted nervously. "…Are you supposed to be here right now?"

"Not really." Blue Diamond gave him a sheepish smile. "But I came to give you this." She extended her hand to him, opening it to reveal a large pile of geometric fruit.

Recognizing them from the human zoo, he took them gratefully and immediately bit into one. "Th-Thank you!"

She made a faintly disgusted and puzzled expression. "Your pearl insisted that you needed to eat," she explained. "Your human… _friend_ doubly insisted. Something to do with your…condition, I assume?"

Steven nodded, mouth too full to talk.

Blue Diamond sighed. "Well, let me know when you need more. I'm sorry I can't bring you out with me, but you need to stay here for the time being."

He nodded again, not surprised. She turned to go, and he called out, "Wait, Blue."

"Yes?"

"Um…" He shuffled his feet a little, hesitating shyly. "Can you come back soon? There's…a lot we need to talk about." He swallowed his dread at the thought of telling her that her sister was still gone. They were going to figure it out eventually; it was better that he try to talk them through it and help them understand Pink Diamond's motivations.

Blue Diamond's expression softened. "I'll try, but I can't make any promises."

"Thank you…" Steven said again, watching as the door closed behind her. He ate another fruit, chewing thoughtfully as he set the rest aside for later.

Maybe he wouldn't be quite so alone in this mess.

* * *

While I doubt this is how it'll go, one can hope. I just want Steven to talk to his mom, damn it ;-;


End file.
